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June 1st, 2006

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October 26th, 2005

04:10 pm - thoughts things have been SOOO great this past week!!! ashley kathleen has been happy! have you every had that feeling that life is soo great but its about to fall at any moment? mine just did...I can actually say that nothing has ever made me feel this way...i put myself out there.. i tried something new. felt new feelings...got scared...then the tears came.why can't the world just let things happen..be with who it feels right instead of tryingto foresee and stopping it before it gets good...iknow the feeling..'stop it before you get hurt' i understand...but thats hurts me...why do things need to be crystal clear from the start? But, i do, however understand that way things are...and have to be...i just hurts... ash Current Mood: sad

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September 28th, 2005

01:11 am - things b changin So my old roomate moved back in yesterday. its awkward..not going to lie...jenni,jamie, tanner, angela, and matt have all had our little thing this summer..we've changed. she's changed..sorta. and i don't know...its wierd...i sure hope our spare room isn't turned back into a sex room again...it was nice to not have to worry when you wanted to print something in the morning and have to go in there.. there were noo worries that you were going to have to knock, walk in on two naked people...::sighs:: thats one part of PA that i do NOT want to go back to,but yet she has a new boy interest, and i'm sure it will inevitably back to everysingle night again.... AHHHHH....NOO ok. im guilty of everyonce and a while...but it not EVERY NIGHT like it used to be...for example...i just got home from work, its 115 am and i hear her in there with someone. whether or not they are knockin it, i know not...but i don't want to go back to that...i won't go back! Other than that i'm prettyy good... found a gym with a pool and living the life of a strawberry blonde... oh yes i'm blonde now....i NEVER thought i would go blonde, but it had to be done. stupid conditions of roles of plays... hahah its okay.. kinda fun.. anyways, they play is going well. it opens nov 10! anyways i'm going t bed...just had to get some of that off my chest before i did... thankss for that ash Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: a home, dixie chicks...its okay

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September 6th, 2005

08:46 pm - oh man oh man am i tired... so here is me right now. I'm in a play called" new destiny" it is currently in rehearsals, and opens in NOvember, and will be filmed in December. I play JENN who is a stupid unintelligent character.. ihave to dye my hair red for it...its cool. a new york city credit.. in greenwhich village..nice. I'm Head waitress at panchitos, which means i make 10 dollars an hour plus tips... instead of all you waitresses who make 3.8/hr,,, o yea bb! take that! um... the guy i was dating, Bob, moved back to chicago, but might me moving back to the city in jan... and Russell, the guy i dated thru August just went back to school at Penn state... so now i'm all alone again. which is fine.. just my days off get pretty alonely sometimes, when matt isn't around ( matt is my ballerino roomate of whom i play nintendo with) i got an invitation to my cousin,steven's, wedding and it said "ashley and guest" WAY TO DRIVEIN THE STEAK THAT ASHLEY IS ALONE, or bring russell like i want to bc he live in PA and would have to fly home with me (and thats alot of money to ask) ya know? evenif he did want to go... its alo of money to fly to IL....So i;m pretty sure i am going with terry cole, one of my best friends..itll be fun. wedding on my mom's side are events to be had..::smiles:: anyways.. thats me ina nut shell right now ash Current Mood: tired

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June 10th, 2005

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May 6th, 2005

03:37 pm - been a while so i just got home from lunch with my gay "secret boyfriend" who is going to leave me after we graduate and go away for a really long time because he got a really good job! and only to come home and sit down here in from of my computer at 3:39 in the afternoon and here my roomate having sex with her brittish boyfriend in the next room... ugh... well, atleast i have my keys back from her [because she threw them out the window and got them stuck ina tree] so i can go on with my life. things haven't going all that well with me lately; not in the relationship department,but in personal ways...but things could deffinately be worse. So i count my blessings for that. My showcase has been cast. its going to rock. i'm doing button up your overcoat with jamaal and i get to do a sexy dance also...oo lala. i've always wanted to be sexy ::smiles:: we're doing alot of really cool things with it that i'm not going to spoil for those of you who get to see it ::winks:: ash Current Mood: blank Current Music: everybody ~this providence

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April 2nd, 2005

12:29 pm - ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why is it that people nowadyas have no common decency????? I mean when you see someone cleaning up YOUR mess while your just sitting on your ass on the internet...wouldn't something click in your head to say.."hey can i help you?" i mean, it would be nice to offer...right? to old fashioned? I AM SOOOOOOOOO TIRED OF BEING THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES STUFF> yes, jenni helps out with the dishes,but while shes at work making a living everyone else is sitting on their ass while I CLEAN UP THIER MESS... so for the first time we saw two cockroaches in our apt.... so what do they do with thier pizza boxes when thier done? leave them on the FLOOR!!!! thats smart let me tell ya. LISA Says "so don't do it anymore" but if i just don't do it. then we'll get bugs and NOTHIN will ever get clean....UHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!! hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hat eha i want mary nina and jess back! I miss youguys! ashley Current Mood: bitchy Current Music: cant take my eyes off of you. damien rice

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March 21st, 2005

11:35 am - yea! SO my show has been going greatly! byea! So, My apt has been filling with much testostorone lately, andimust say that i'm not complaining about it. Scott's friends are in from downers grove, il, and are staying with us this weekend.. which also mean scott is staying with us (nothing new there) and we also had at the beggining of this week and kid from vancoover, canada... It is very different when actualy real livve strait boys are around... its a hole different atmosphere.a VERY good one! It makes me with that i actually went to real college so, maybe, i could have this much fun all the time...be around boys that i am attracted to AND have them be strait at the same time. You don't get that here. Sad really. I should've gone to U of I. OR SLU like i wanted to...instead of newyork gayland school. which, i might add is almost over... and i must say that i do ot want to do stage acting... or musicals at this point in time...i only want to do voice overs/cartoons, or films... I have an audition for "OKLAHOMA!" national tour tomarrow...not sure i really want to go. not sure i really want to do this anymore... Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: nothin

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March 15th, 2005

10:12 pm - this, as in my life I wake up,(maybe work out..like i did today only) take a shower, eat breakfast, go back to sleep, wake up for lunch, then it back to sleep again until rehearsal. Why you ask? because Ashley still has no job. I tried applying at Krispy kreme today...they aren't hiring. ahhhhh! Roomates: this is an ordeal for me. I LOVE MY oringial roomates... but recently a new one moved in to mine and christina's room...I HAVVE ALmost zero tolerance for her... ya know how you reply to people in a very monotonous tone when you really dont like them? i talk to her lik ethat all the time,only she doesn't notive it because so inside herself. she comes from a spoiled family, and throw temper tantrims like a four year old and kicks the walls...what 20 yrs old does that?( who is actually serious anyways) I'm not sure what i'm going to do about this becasue we need her for rent, but i'd rather have Roo back in my room....AHHHHHH instead i revert to "quiet ashley" and nothing is said...silence. Emily is dating a boy from london who is the biggest sweetheart in the world. accents. accent, accent....thats all i hhave to say career: headshots are out, resemes are done...now i have to audition...SCARY!!!!!! Ash* Current Mood: cynical Current Music: half life~ dunken shiek

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March 2nd, 2005

02:09 pm - ::sighs:: there are some things in life, some people that never seem to change..til all of a sudden they suprise you. and maybe in a god way or maybe not so good. have you ever thought that you were okay, that you were good until one moment; one moment that brings you crashing down til all breath seems to be hard to find bc yur chest is pounding so hard you can't breathe. and you thought you were soo good...that you could stand on top of the world. And all bc of one minor detail that had been pleasantly left out of a conversation... prevented from hearing...and silent...silence... could we break the fucking silence!!!! ash Current Mood: numb Current Music: look what you've done~jet

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February 28th, 2005

11:19 am - somedays.. "someday when i'm awfully low, i will see a glow just thinking of you" it is sooo cold here today! we're preparing for yet another snow storm...::winces:: being so cold makes it hard to go out looking for a job also...no motivation other then moeny bc it is SOOOO cold out! walk 10 blocks only to fill out an app. and leave...::sighs:: but its okay. i've had a few interviews; so maybe things will look up. now that everyone is settled in my new apt...when we're ALL there, or atleast 5 of us things get a little loud/annoying ... but we all seem to get along for the most part as of now. when i get in my "i wanna be quiet and not talked to" modes... i've learned that i just have to stay in my room, or go out on the deck when it gets warmer. sometimes you just need space...and when you live with 7 people. its somtimes hard to get. my new roomate's name is lisa carlson...she is soo nice. but of course i pre-judge her becuase she has the same name of my unintelligent english A teacher of junior year of high school.[ who would tell you an answer to a question, then mark it worn gwhen you put it on the test...] 4th semester is soo much fun...rehearsals with my group have been kinda rocky, but things will look up. i'm super excited... march 17th opening night! Ashley Current Mood: bored Current Music: nothin

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February 24th, 2005

11:13 pm - my head shots this is the one i think i am going to go with for sure.. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v699/punkinhead28/RETOUCHEDBWEXAMPLEONLY0130.jpg this is another one i am considerin' or or plz. lemme know what you think ashley Current Mood: beautiful Current Music: to be with you. mr big

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February 22nd, 2005

05:42 pm - final stretch I am finally a 4th semester...one of the envied of all the school. And my showcases are going to be AMAZING. drama march 18-20. musical may 27=29th. I'm excited. I got my headshots last thursday; i'm starting to feel professional. social life has been going off and on. i'm doing more now that i have 6 roomates, but for some reason i feel lonely. i guess it sets in when my roomates bring home guys that stay the night. i mean i've had scott spend the night with me...thats nothing new, but also, nothin there. i'm currently trying to find an outside job so, maybe, i'll meet some normal boys. Something just sux when you get all dressed up and feel soo good about how you look and there is no male re-enforcement to kiss you when you look so good. is it wrong that i'm totally attracted to skater/shaggy/smart/MECHANICALLY INCLINED men? mmmmm! YUM. Ashley Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: holiday~ weezer

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January 15th, 2005

08:11 am - e;urhy;eouhad;urh;dhkjh;skuh;urhg;! so, i'm finally getting my own place. that is my own with 6 girls. i'm the proud part owner of "penthouse A" a two storey,4 bedroom,2 bathroom apt, with a private roof deck....and included with muscular guy across the courtyard in the shower. ::smiles:: haha. oh man! school has been soo crazy...my acting teach has been haveing "make up classes JUST IN CASE" i cancel later classes..EVERY DAY!! ::screams!:: all i can say is he better cancel those classes...and i'm tired of flashing everyone in the mornng...i'm having rxns to the nipple stickers....(katie gave me flower shaped nipple stickers from victoria's secret, and i had an allergic rxn to them and now i have a pretty red flower on my boob. ) as for the boy in question... told him...didn't kiss him, but told him about it...since he hasn't said anything about it since, but cuddled and spent the night with me... i guess we'll just remain cuddle friends, which i like also. i'm scared that when i move out i won't see him anymore... that scares me. I love my saturdays with him. 10 am-10am, just me and scott. watching movies and cuddling, and desparatly looking for pizza hut downtown in the pouring rain, and settling on an expesive italian restaraunt instead looking like drowned rats. how he never let me SIT and his bed when we're watching a movie. he always grabs onto what ever he can (usually my hair)and pulls me down next to him...."you look so tense sitting up" and how we wrestle for my phone when i try and take a picture of him. anyways. gotta go to class. Current Mood: anxious Current Music: on the way down

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January 11th, 2005

10:52 pm Jess i love you and miss you too!!! you too mary and nina!! :smiles:: there jess.. i'll send it back Current Mood: content Current Music: volcano~ damien rice

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November 23rd, 2004

12:18 am wow, its been buisy lately..and frustrating. i've been put on vocal rest because the duet i was assigned for my musical theatre class is a high belting song [aka. supposed to be sung in a way that i cannot do with out huring myself] and its frustrating that i am getting notes that i can't get the notes,but i just CAN'T Sing that way, and they know it. its just frustrating! any ways, scott and i are having so much fun!its soo nice having a friend like that again, i always know when there is a knock on my door that its scott, and now i feel comfortable going to his room[which happens to be my 1st room] for absolutly no reason at all. its a nice feeling. Last night we saw DRACULA the musical...haha. its was an odd musical but the effects were soo neat...nudity...enough said. AND, and he let me sleep in my old bed last night..since they don't use that bed bc one of thier roomates moved out.. it was soo nice...i got kinda 'homesick' if ya will for mary and nina and jess and chris when i first go tup there. it was sad..miss you guys! But the fac is. i really love spending a vast majority of time with scott... and it has nothing to do with the fact that he has the bigeest muscles i've ever seen..::smiles:: he cracks my shit up...i get annoyed when i see gils flirt wih him and pretend they like everything he likes...oo drives me CRAZY.. anyways... love ya all..miss ya too ash Current Mood: content Current Music: you don't see me

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November 14th, 2004

11:46 pm - only natural so, been real buisy lately. my acting teacher is scary, but since he is acting on broadway right now, i guess i'll listen to him...and it just set in the other day that my musical theatre teacher is a broadway director... this is all weird. i've never actually had teachers that are currently working..i guess it gives them more respect then the others who..USED to work. anyways. school is stirring up and settling down at the same time..difficult to explain. i've made a really great friend here this year. his name is scott, we spend a vast majority of time together, and if it weren't for him i'd probably have not much of a life... but we fit well together...he really is kinda of weird, the more i get to know him.. butits funny at the same time and it amuzes me. for example...last saturday night...we spent the night organizing his roomates vast cd collection...sounds boring, but it was soso funny to sit there and watch him do it bc he is soooo anal about things..lol..okay it doesn't sound funny, but i guess you had to be there...lol alright well gonna go now...just wanted to catch you up a bit. ash Current Mood: jealous Current Music: little fall of rain

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September 21st, 2004

09:50 pm life isn't always what we want it to be, but hey "thats life", right? Sometimes you're just scared to say what you really want to say, whether it be good or bad. And sometimes you wish you hadn't done certain things in your life;that your life would've been better if you had just made the other choice. BUT all of these things have something in common. You can't change them...okmaybe you CAN say what you want to, but it might be bad if you did...the point is,life,love,and EVERYTHING else can burden the mind, and there is no stopping it. the more you try Not to think about it the More you Do think about it,or in which case:them. But we still have to lift our head high and live life to the fullest. as my fav. quotes in "RENT"go "how do you leave the past behind when it keeps finding way to get to your heart. It reachesway down deep and tears you up til you'r torn apart!" and "theres only us, theres only this. forget regret or life is yours to miss." Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: "greatest story ever told" oliver james

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September 8th, 2004

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August 31st, 2004

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